Do gifts have to be new (i.e., purchased specifically for the recipient) to be considered a gift? Can gifts be homemade? Used?
Someone was at my house and commented on how much he (I’ll use the generic “he” for this example) liked our hand soap. When I had bought the soap, I bought two or three bottles of them, all brand new. When Christmastime or a birthday came for him (I can’t remember because this was about a decade ago), I gave him one of the brand new soaps that I already had purchased before he told me he liked it. His spouse knew all of this and thought I shouldn’t have given the soap because I had originally bought it for myself.
In this scenario, I disagreed with the spouse because I figured, I am thinking of the receiver. I knew that he would enjoy the soap, and I gave it to him. My intent was pure, and my conscience is clear; I was thinking about the receiver.
In my humble opinion a gift doesn’t have to be new. I have received different gifts that have been used before, but had meaning from the giver. They may have been old, fine jewelery that has been in the family for years, and now I get to enjoy it with my girls. Or there have been times where people had fallen on hard times and given us used toys. I had no problem with that because they were thinking of us, wanted to show us love, and gave us a gift in love.
When I was pregnant with Joshua (our last child), some friends threw me a baby shower. For those who brought gifts the goal was to spend less than $10, and the gift could be used. I did not know how much each person spent, and this was not my idea, but I loved the thought of people not spending a lot of money, especially on us. I love people being wise stewards of their money. I am not advocating hoarding your money or not being generous, either; please don’t get me wrong. I just don’t want people to feel like they have to keep up with their neighbors.
So, what is a gift? Dictionary.com defines a gift as…
- “1. something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.
- 2. the act of giving.
- 3. something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned: Those extra points he got in the game were a total gift.”
I think as a society we need to stop thinking that we have to buy all gifts brand new at the mall. We need a paradigm shift. If you are being cheap just to be cheap, that’s not good either. At times we need to be sacrificial.
We do need to pray for the wisdom to know what to do/buy and when to do it, though. In my favorite book of the Bible, we observe this about wisdom:
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways” (James 1:5-8).
If we are honoring someone by giving them a gift, isn’t it really is the thought that counts?
So what do you think? Do you give gifts at Christmas? If so, why? Do you care if you receive a used Christmas gift?
Have you read Re-thinking Gift-Giving: Part One, Kids & Gift-Giving?
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Sonja
I think your gift to your friend of the soap was especially generous because you’d initially bought it for yourself–but seeing how much it pleased him, decided to give one to him.
Plus, isn’t this kind of like being blood brothers–or soap siblings–now? That’s priceless!
I totaly agree with you on this. It is not the amount or value of the gift that is importaint, but the thougth behind and to give soething of meaning. In my in-laws family this year we all gave gift-sertificates to each other. Same value, same stores to use it in. I told them, we did not even needed to swap gift, and could just spend the amount on ourselve. They agreed.
On my own side of the family I gave the girls/women a giftbag with products left over from when I runned a store. Never opened, and still long before “duedate”. They where all amazed by them 🙂
Next year, I am going for the whole homemade thing. The girls are getting homemade hairbows, bracelets and bathbombs. The womans are getting soaps, bath salt, cake in a jar etc. The grown-up men are getting shaving cream, slippers etc, and the boys are getting homemade play dough, bathbombs etc.
100% agree with simple, homemade, or already-0wned as gifts! When the thought behind the gift is to delight the recipient, it’s a gift. My 5yo wrapped and gave me a cookie-baking book (loads of pretty pictures) that’s been on our bookshelf for about three years… because she wanted to have some special baking time with just the two of us, and had put in slips of paper to mark the cookies she wanted to try out. It was a great gift that we can share! (She gave her big brother a jar of maraschino cherries all for himself, that he didn’t have to share… another great gift!)
We generally do “handmade or super-cheap” Christmas, and I find those gifts tend to be the most thought-through and personal. This year, my kids and husband decorated an apron for me; I made a stuffed chicken (using fabrics I’ve had for over a decade) for one of my girls; my oldest painted some neat watercolor still-lifes and turned them into digital art for me to use on websites; my husband turned 1.5 yards of plaid polar fleece into a “lounging kilt” for our son, etc. It was so much fun to open gifts, and to prepare them… we all had about two months of secrets and surprises, and it was great!
Extended family, after 17 years, is really understanding that yes, our family LOVES a used book! When one dear SIL discovered the price differential between new and used, she bought an entire series of hardbacks for the same cost as one new hardback, and provided years of tremendous reading for our family. She’s now hooked. 🙂
I really do think that if a gift is given with thought and consideration, it doesn’t matter whether it’s pre-owned, dirt cheap, etc.
Thanks for sharing, Liz! I love how your 5-year old marked the recipe she wanted you two to share together! Some of the gifts I appreciate most were items that came out of the kitchen. I received some homemade caramel sauce (even dairy free for me), homemade lavender rosemary salt, and homemade salsa. So yummy! Blessings in the new year!
It is really hard to reach a point in life were we can let go of our expectations of what family is supposed to be and never more so than at Christmas time! But the more I try to let it be about the giving and lower my expectations of what the recipient will think the happier I am. So anything goes. The person who can read a book a day, gets a stack of used books, the daughter who only has 2 spare minutes a day but loves to bake is getting homemade cookie mixes, and so on.
Thanks for sharing Cherie. At times it is so good to let go of our expectations. Blessings to you this Christmas season.
I totally agree with you! I am getting married in the spring and couldn’t really afford to get everyone in my soon-to-be larger family store-bought presents this year. I’ve been making homemade bath goodies for the past few weeks, getting them ready for all the ladies in the family. Not only is it SO much cheaper this way, but everyone also gets something unique, high quality, and natural, and it’s a really fun way to connect with them!